Just a vent

I am ready to have a full blown temper tantrum tonight. I'm so angry at everyone, and the root of the problem is actually PMS. Knowing that doesn't help.

I am sooooo pissed off at Mike right now and it's not even really his fault. Matthew has been awful the last couple of days - nothing but pulling on my pants legs, crying if I leave his sight, throwing his toys, having temper tantrums, screaming and having another tantrum if I reprimand him for having a temper tantrum - it took me over 2 hours to get him to sleep last night at bed time, and he got up early this morning. No good naps today which does not bode well for tonight's sleep either. So, Mike tells me he'll be done working at 5 and be home by 5:45 at that latest. Of course that didn't happen, cause it never does on the bad days, does it? He got hom at about 7:45. Not his fault at all, but it still pisses me off. And right now, I'm feeling a lot of stress about Matthew's eating situation, and I'm trying like hell to find anything he'll eat. Every meal, I try something new, I make something different, anything to get him to start eating better. Every meal, he plays with it for a little while, eats a bite or two and then refuses anything else and throws/smears/flings food all over the kitchen, his highchair, his clothes and everything else. It takes me an hour and a half to fix his meals, feed him, and then clean up after it. Mike said "Well, it'll only be for another year or so". I almost killed him over the phone. He's never here for therapy, he's not the one that's going to have to start doing the desensitization therapy if I can't find another fix for this, he's not the one who has to try to find things for Matthew to eat, he's not the one who has to do ANYTHING. In his defense (and when I'm not so pissed off anyway, I'll be the first to admit this) he IS the one who goes to work everyday so I can stay home with Matthew, and if he were here for therapy and every meal and all that stuff, we wouldn't have any food to feed Matthew.

On top of that, my mom is driving me batshit about Matthew's birthday. My mom is the kind of person who needs you to know how busy she is all the time, how tired she is all the time, and what an obligation everything is to her. She's got a LOT going on this weekend, Matthew's birthday, a wedding, and a recital. However, she doesn't HAVE to go to the wedding or the recital. She doesn't have to DO anything for Matthew's party. All she has to do is be here for it. But all I've heard for a week now is how very busy this weekend is going to be, how she's not going to have any time for anything she wants to do, how she's going to be so tired Monday when she goes back to work it's going to be like she never had any time off. I finally blew my lid today and told her that next year, this will not be a problem. I will find somewhere else to have his party, she absolutely does not need to worry about coming and I don't want to hear one more reference to my child's first birthday party as one more obligation like work and church that she bitches about all the time. Of course then, I was flying off the handle, being insensitive to her, and hurt her feelings.