I suck at blogging

Seriously guys, I try. For those of you who check in and want me to update, thanks for taking the time. Haha. I will try to do better.

We're working on making our lives greener. I'm trying to recycle more, Matthew eats primarily organic although Mike and I don't, cloth diapers, reusable shopping bags, etc. It's not difficult but after 34 years it's more of a problem to remember to do this stuff than it is to actually do it.

Matthew is coming along well in his therapy, and he's doing fantastic. His right hand is perfect really, and we're still working on his right leg. I can't even describe his gait when he's tired, it's like a hunkered down, wide swing with the right leg starting at the hip - which is what has his OT concerned about dysplasia, but I just don't think that's it. I'm coping with all of it pretty well now though. It's just Matthew. He's perfect to me, and thank heavens he is very nearly perfect physically. When we go to the orthpaedist I see kids with cerebral palsy who are so so handicapped and the last time it actually made me teary eyed thinking how lucky we've been that Matthew is no more affected than he is.

Anthony will be 13 this weekend. I've got one who's a teen and one in diapers. Haha. How does that even happen!? And I really want another one but with all the miscarriages I'm so afraid to even get pregnant. It's so hard to be excited about having a baby when you know that (given my history) there's at least a 75% chance you won't actually be having a baby. Not that easy on my body, either. And I'm still not sure it's the right thing for Matthew. He needs so much of my attention, he needs so much of my time and devotion...it's become part of our lives and I don't talk about it that much - hell I don't even think about it that much - but we still spend hours excercising, working those muscles, making sure that he only gets stronger. Will I be able to do that with a new baby? Will Matthew understand a new baby? Am I making him a totally dependant spoiled little pain in the ass by worrying about all this?

Mike is wonderful, as usual. At some point I'm gonna change the picture I have on my blog to the one that some of you have seen already from us going to the lake. One of those pictures is just incredibly hot to me. And now it's time to dwell on the fact that the man I've been with for 1/3 of my life still makes me incredibly hot - it shocks me to think about it but WOOHOO!